so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize