Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
