so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
