I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
