med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Boobs speak an international language.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Please don't give away my fajitas
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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