omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
