i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
