Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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