he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
