My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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