So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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