I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
