His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
