You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
