He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
