I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize