How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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