y did u give ur computer a hand job?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
