There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
