So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
