Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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