I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize