i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
