sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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