Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
