Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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