Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if only i could text you this smell
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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