i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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