my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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