I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
