shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
