I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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