The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
