i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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