after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
