my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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