i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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