It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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