i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
