There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
