apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
