so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
