Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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