i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
