her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
