I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
