she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just high enough for therapy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
