I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
