Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
