i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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