so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
