we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
