dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
