We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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