Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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