Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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