Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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