I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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