Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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