he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
