he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
