i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just cut my nipple shaving
barbara walters just said penis...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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