i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
