I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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