I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
