Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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