im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
