Ambien. No doubt about it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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