Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's get the cat blown out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
