Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
