So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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