My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Floor bacon is actually really good
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
