just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize