Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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