I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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