okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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