He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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