I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
