i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
