I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I forget how to act sober
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize