i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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