Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize