I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
