Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
