Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
