You just made me feel so damn special
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
