he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
