Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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